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How can the
question “who am I” be answered? How
does someone go about defining herself? Are there certain off-limit facts, like
what she does for a living or what she enjoys doing in her free time? After
all, these statements more specifically answer “what do you do?”
At this time of
great change in my life, I find myself silently wondering “who am I,” which
leads to “What does that mean,” and “What is my purpose?” These are questions everyone must at some
point ask herself, though for many they are easy enough to slap down a
pat-answer and let them be buried somewhere in the deep abyss of the human
mind. Personally, I’ve never really struggled with these kinds of questions
until the past year or two. My younger self was very sure and confident in my
beliefs. Now, as life has given me much more to consider, I struggle with many
of these seemingly basic questions. Perhaps my thinking down this lane was
prompted by the little “write a short description of yourself” boxes that
plague me on all my social media sites. I’m not exactly sure why Pinterest
World needs to know how I would define myself in words, because my pins already
show a pretty accurate story: I’m a DIYer grammar freak who is dreaming of
babies, pretty rooms in my house, and an endless amount of sweets.)
After trying to
quickly come up with something witty for my Twitter page (and let’s be real
here, scarcasm is much more my forte). I decided to go with the simple
one-worders: Believer. Wife. Traveler. Lover of Life. I chose that order
because I felt it reflected my values on a subtle-but-still-unmissable level.
This
definition, though sweet and short (just like I am!), is not really an
acceptable answer to the question “who am I?” Or is it? Why do I feel the
pressure to define myself in the first place? On one hand, I feel that allowing
someone to give you a definition for themselves is wrong. Just because someone
says she is a community activist does not mean she is a community activist in
the same way you might be if you defined yourself as one. This is almost like
saying “you are too dumb to figure out for yourself who I am.” In a world that
firmly believes “actions speak louder than words,” a person’s own definition of
herself could easily lead to a skewed vision of her for outsiders.
However,
listening to a person describe herself can reveal quite a bit about her that
you might never know otherwise. If a woman says she is a community activist,
but has really only volunteered once in the past four years, perhaps her heart
is revealing where it wants to be. Are these wishes and dreams allowed to be
part of one’s identity?
I think I have
a hard time describing myself because the seemingly innocent question develops
into such a slippery slope. So many sub-questions can be included vehemently
denied , like “what do you do for a living?” After finally defining herself, a
woman trying to describe herself will look down and want to know what she’s
accomplished already and what her 5, 10, and 30-year plans are.
Goals are good,
very good, in fact. They help give us direction in life and can even help
define us as we journey towards and through those goals. If you have no
direction in life, how could you possibly get to where you want to be?
But back to
self-definition; how do I define who I am? First, I must look at my definition
of what defines a person (confusing enough?). As I mentioned, how do I decide
what gets to be included or not? Am I even allowed to decide that? After much
thought, I think I can say that it all should be included. After all, we are a
sum of our past, present, and future, and all that that entails.
So, who am I?
I am a broken
woman and I have heard the call of the King of Kings, and I strive to answer it
every day. Every day I am reminded of my human weaknesses and my need for a
Savior.
I am wife to a
broken man who guards my heart in his soft hands.
I try to love
people as my Redeemer has loved me, because in a world filled with so much
darkness we all need to feel love.
I am a mother
hen to all those around me, trying to make sure everyone is taken care of and
has what he needs.
I see people’s
struggles, and it touches me deeply because I know how much they must be
hurting.
My heart
belongs to Jesus, but scars from internal battles still remain. My hope is that
one day they will be gone and I will be whole in Him once more.
I cannot
understand everything I have seen or that I know.
I long to leave
behind this predictable life and travel around the world with Will, seeing this
glorious earth and meeting the amazing people God has created.
I realize how
selfish I am, and it kills me.
One of my
biggest fears is being forgotten when I’m gone; perhaps that is why I want to
be a teacher. I want my influence to be passed down through generations of
students who learn to love life-long education.
I know I was
meant to be a mother. Through God’s grace and will I will someday have children
to call my own, though really the Lord has simply entrusted a few of His
children to me for a while.
I stand up for
myself and others around me; I am angered at ignorance that produces hate.
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What questions have got you thinking lately?
